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Random Thoughts

Escape from Thailand

It was a fine line I rode that day out of Thailand.

One slip on the trusty rented scooter, and it was all over bar the injuries. The following is how not to leave a country.

I’d made the dubious decision to ride the scooter from my base in Rayong, to return it in Pattaya the same morning I’d booked an afternoon flight from Bangkok to Da Nang.

It probably should have dawned on me during repeated suitcase weigh-ins that this was a risky venture. But no – I ploughed ahead even when it became obvious I would struggle to stay within the flight’s weight limit for the suitcase.?

The scales would show the bad news – 28.5 kgs, eep!? I’d attempt to trim the excess 3.5kgs, and out came the rice cooker, and re-weigh : 27.8kgs!?. Possibly the hotel scales were telling mincey pies.

Each trip meant hefting the suitcase down the hallway, on and off the lift, into the hotel restaurant, and onto the scales. Then reverse and repeat. It was an exhausting week.

After this regime, the start on the first leg of the trip boded ill.

The hotel staff had been watching this palaver the entire week, and so were watching with amused detachment as I strapped the 24.5kg suitcase

This is how not to travel out of a country.
Bike topples over.
Back goes out.

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On the Road Random Thoughts Thailand 2019 Vietnam

Rayong to Da Nang

The following is an abject lesson in travel.

The plan – travel from Rayong to Da Nang by bike, taxi, plane, and taxi. The timeframe – one day. Bish, bosh, bash, just like that.

Not so difficult? Except that…

This is Thailand

In the week before leaving, I’d had to show my face at Rayong Wittayakom school, where I’d worked as a teacher for the previous six months. This because I wanted to ensure I was paid the previous month’s salary.

At 37,000 ฿ ( ~=USD 1120), it’s a pittance by Western standards. But living monkishly, I’d been able to save around 500 USD / month. And, with Vietnam in my sights, I could hardly afford to be sniffing at it.

The byzantine Thai bureaucracy dictated that my Visa was kaput as soon as the school contract ended. That meant I had exactly one day between finishing my school duties, and evacuating Thailand.

This Is Me

I’d been in the same apartment for a couple of months, during which time I’d accrued belongings, both useful and otherwise. My ‘filing system’ was the floor, over which tumbled my worldly possessions.

After wrangling with Thais, a hopeless scenario at the best of times, I’d found a dirt-cheap ( 2300 ฿/month ) scooter for rental from Pattaya. However, I now had to return it before leaving.

I’d decided to go to Vietnam, rather than do a ‘Visa run’ across the border and back, or return to New Zealand.

I’d turned down two good job offers, one in Pattaya, and another in Phuket. Mostly because I didn’t want to face another 30-hour bus trip , or deal with the Thai education ‘system’.

All of which resulted in last-minute packing decisions, money-changing, changing travel plans, insurance cashing, and general chaos.

The result? Early on the morning of November 1, 2019, I loaded more than 30kgs worth of possessions onto a 150cc scooter, ready to ride from Rayong to Pattaya, a trip of about 65 km.

A Tranquilised Mule

On first mounting the scooter, it slowly keeled over ,like a tranquilised mule. This of course was just cream on the cake for the hotel staff watching the entire pantomime from the front checkout.

A couple of them did come over to help right the beast, and I was shortly back on board.

I wobbled around the carpark a few times as a warm-up, and then set off on the Long Run to Pattaya. The suburbs of Rayong present their own challenge, because Thai motorists treat road rules as advisories. Much like “do not exceed the recommended dose”.

Half an hour and a couple of stops later, I was on the main road to Pattaya. These are mainly concrete, and so are slippery. An abrupt change of direction would result in a slide much more unhealthy than your average amusement park.

Stay Calm, Focus, Execute

So it became a question of sustaining concentration. I’m a small overloaded blip travelling slower than almost anything else.

This is the first leg of the journey, Rayong to Pattaya. The next is Pattaya to Bangkok via taxi. The third is the flight from Bangkok to Da Nang, Vietnam. And the last is the taxi ride to my pre-booked hotel from Da Nang airport.

It’s a game of dominoes. If one fails to fall, none of the rest of them fall into place either.

I streamed the mantra “stay calm, focus, execute”, to distract myself from thinking about consequences of an accident.

Panic in Pattaya

Once I made it to Pattaya, there was an additional hurdle. I was there to return the rental scooter. But the directions given by the scooter owner were sketchy at best.

“Find the 7-11 on the corner of Sukhimwit Road. I’m in the third shop from the corner, it’s behind the cafe …”

Ragged from the concentration of the trip, I darted hither and yon, hauling in my wake a suitcase, a laptop briefcase, and a shoulder bag. Up against the clock of my flight departure, another 20 minutes ticked by before I found said scooter owner.

With the handover out of the way, and nothing said about the additional dents, it was time to find the taxi for the second leg, Pattaya to Suvarnabhumi airport, Bangkok.

Easy? But no. With the usual Thai efficiency, the driver I’d been chatting to for three days to drive home the deadlines was otherwise engaged. After another 20 minutes of pacing inside an air-conditioned 7-11, I had a driver.

As it happened, about an hour, and 1100 ฿ later, the airport hove into view.

Gate A

The attendant told me he plane was leaving at “Gate A”. Minutes later, it dawned on me that the gates were numbered, not lettered. While other passengers glided around with their small trolleys behind them, I hobbled along like a small mule with a limp. Then, six months of teaching Thais came to the rescue.

Thais often drop the final consonant of English words. ‘Gate A’ was ‘Gate 8’.

With the target finally settled, I found the flight board, and discovered that the flight was boarding 15 minutes ago

Fark! All this way, all that palaver, and here I am stumbling at the second hurdle. I picked myself up and started sprinting. It didn’t look good, but it was effective. Soon I caught the remnants of the check-in line.

A short sauna bus ride, and 30 minutes’ of looking at the flight attendants later, and we were airborne.

Da Nang

I’d organised online a Vietnam Visa for about USD 100 for 3 months. So I was surprised and delighted when I was snapped and stamped and waved through in about 10 minutes.

It was around 6pm, and I was in ‘Nam.

On the advice of someone who knew these things, I’d arrived with a wad-full of US dollars. The advice was good, and I got instant co-operation from taxi drivers.

The short taxi ride gave me a taste of the beauty of Da Nang. It’s a much more modern city than Rayong – bridges lighting up like stairways, wide roads, modern architecture.

I found that US dollars got instant co-operation from apartment managers , too.

I’d skimped on the apartment. It was something like $12 ( 300,000 VND ) / night , and I got what I paid for. But at this stage, I didn’t care.

I’d made it. I unpacked a few things, and collapsed on my bed.

Categories
Random Thoughts Thailand 2019

Pattaya to Rayong


Slept really well at Harry’s Bar and Restaurant, despite the nightclub noise from downstairs. The air-conditioning worked well, and bed-clothes nice n heavy and warm. That might sound all rosy, but see below.

He’s a ( wannabe ) Mod

I decided in the morning that I had to hire a scooter. When in Rome… Had a blast. The roads in Thailand are total anarchy. From a very unscientific survey, there are as many scooters as cars on the roads. Who’s riding them? 12-year-old kids, Mums with three youngsters, old blokes, white blokes, smoking blokes, texting blokes. They’re like squadrons of wasps, floating in and out of traffic. Helmets are optional. I don’t think I saw a cop.

Harry’s Bar and Restaurant – Old-man gripes

Apparently supplying a plug for the bathroom sink was just a bridge too far. I tried to cajole the young and beautiful maitre d’ (?) into hunting down such a thing, but soon gathered I was low on the priority list. Having to check out in the morning, I started getting bug-eyed about needing to shave etc beforehand. Still no good. Finally, she supplied me with a large stainless steel bowl. Sheesh. Other than that, I had to fight like Ronnie Barker to open the door to the room. And there was a puddle in the shower which never went away. And there troupes of drunken old guys ( about my vintage ) ‘romancing’ the local women. Cheap, though.

Street-life in Pattaya

On the Road

After the plug-less morning, and scrambling about trying to rent a car to pick up in Pattaya, and return in Rayong, I gave up, and went with the sledgehammer option. I got a taxi. And a fine fellow he was too. His English was nearly as bad as my Thai, but he did introduce me to the wonders of the Google Translate app ( who knew? ). So we spent the trip chatting away by tapping messages into our phones. He was good enough to help me find a scooter hire in Rayong ( the only one, claimed the operators ), and then guilted me into a little tip, even though I’d paid 1000 baht for the trip already.

A bit troppo

With the freedom of a scooter and the on-board navigation of Google maps, I set about having a good look around. I found a really nice hole-in-the-wall outfit down the road from the motel who had a smorgasbord deal going. Eggs and ‘coleslaw’, just the thing. Then later I got caught in an eating jag in a supermarket complex, and slammed down a load of ( warm ) pork sausages. Hello food poisoning. Mild, but still bloody nasty. ( update Sunday – still battling stomach cramps ! )

A durian – that portion will set you back about $3NZD

Note to self – crap food is crap food, Thai or not. On the other hand, I discovered  new favourite delicacy, a durian. Kind of a cross between a banana and a pawpaw , pure sugary bliss.

Transport

Had to return the rental bike today, or face another 500 b. ( baht ) / DAY, which is daylight robbery. Scooters could be had for 2400 b. / MONTH in Pattaya, but much harder to find in Rayong. Found someone who will rent me one for 4000 b / MONTH.

Categories
Random Thoughts Thailand 2019

New Arrival

Ma and Grace Auckland Airport

The flight to Sydney was uneventful. Watched ( most of ) The Departed. In the middle of a row of four in the middle of the aircraft. Painful but quick. Got changed at Sydney airport so I looked a bit less Worzel Gummidge. The flight was a trial from Sydney to Bangkok. Something like 8 – 9 hours, and didn’t sleep much. BUT the seats and the service is better on Emirates. Plus I fluked a window seat on that second flight and the seat next to me was vacant.’

Fleeced

I was so shagged when I got to Bangkok that I got fleeced by a taxi driver that collared me at the airport. Cost 500 baht ( $25 ) for a trip that another driver today offered to do for 200 baht.

The SilverGold Garden Hotel – someone in Marketing hedged their bets

Was just too tired to think at first when I arrived, and wanted to get to my hotel asap*.

The little posse of food stalls outside Silvergold Bangkok. Brewing up a feed at 4 a.m.

As it was I was so wound up I couldn’t sleep. Luckily about 50 metres from the hotel there were a whole bunch of street vendors. One of them was open and brewing stuff up at 4.30 am! Got a great meal ( big bowl of soup-like stuff, including some that looked suspiciously like refined carbs, not exactly rice but something related ) for 40 baht ( less than $2 ).

* Next time I’ll seriously consider sleeping at the airport. It has air-conditioning, and there were dozens of young-uns crashed out around the airport when I went through. Plus they have wifi and shops.

Yes it’s HOT

It’s hot as hell. At 4.30 am it was just bearable. Any other time of the day I have to scuttle back under the cover of air-conditioning after quick 30-minute forays outside. It’s so extreme that I don’t think there are (m)any hotels without air-conditioning.

Busy? Bangkok , in the area I was, wasn’t actually crazy busy. In hindsight. Today I decided I better start moving toward Rayong. But between grappling with the hotel wifi, and keeping the sustenance and water up, I couldn’t figure out how to negotiate catching the bus. It goes through Bangkok to Rayong, but trying to locate something on a phone across Bangkok is hard work.

English

Not very many Thais speak English either. Even the young ones serving at the 7-11s ( American-styled ‘dairies’, full of rubbish food ) hardly had any English. Two people I found in the whole complex of hotel and street vendors spoke English well enough for a conversation, the hotel receptionist, and the taxi concierge.

The taxi concierge because I decided getting to Rayong and getting settled was a better plan that saving a few baht on a bus I couldn’t find. So I opted for a taxi trip to Chonburi, about halfway from Bangkok to Rayong, with the guy who offered me the cheaper airport fare. But turns out he was the ‘concierge’ , and I got driven by an attractive woman maybe in her 30s. Had a good chat with her, her English was ok, and I tried to regurgiate some very basic Thai she taught me.

Chonburi

Anyway, when I got to Chonburi, I hated it. It’s like a bigger, hotter, dustier Te Hana, but with a six-lane highway splitting it. So I forked out even more, and got the driver to take me to Pattaya, only about 30 – 50 kms away from Rayong. It’s supposed to be by the seaside. Instead it’s a flesh-pot, full of aging pot-bellied Poms with young Thai women. From having spent a whole 6 or 7 hours here, they don’t seem to do very much except drink beer, play pool, watch soccer, and eat. Much like what they would likely do in dear old England, except more cheaply. There are dozens and dozens of eateries, and most of them cater for the ex-pat ( white-skinned ) crowd, rather than offer any Thai cuisine.I guess it needs more investigation. The coconut milk / cream they have here is un-believably good. There are also dozens of bordellos – the women hang out outside, often in ‘company’ uniforms.

 

I feel like a smoke.

I’m a bit over-tired, and – get this – got lost in Pattaya about 500m from the hotel :-/ . My phone ran out of charge. All the streets look the same. None of them are signposted. It’s hot. There are motorbikes everywhere. There are no footpaths. If you’re not on your toes you’ll more than likely get them run over. There are something like 4 different 7-11s within a 200m radius, so it starts to feel a lot like Groundhog Day. ( https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Groundhog_Day_(film) )

I’m knackered, but surviving.

Time for a shower and bed.

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Random Thoughts

Melbourne #1 – it’s cold

Melbourne is cold.

Yes, it is Australia, which is warmer than New Zealand, right?

Wrong. In winter, you’ll find everyone here wrapped in overcoats, and wearing scarves. Only the seriously fashion-challenged wear shorts.

A quick look at a map will tell you why. Melbourne is on the same latitude as that tropical paradise, Hamilton, where on a fine winter’s day the fog may just lift by 3pm.

 

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Random Thoughts

Hellfire and Broomsticks

Isn’t it amazing what ‘righteous’ Christians believe, and are capable of, when they’re convinced they have the infallible Word of God on their side?

The idea is nothing new to me, or to many others, but  Sam Harris‘  The End of Faith, has rammed it home lately.

In it, Harris details some of the more “transcendent level[s] of cruelty” achieved by the Righteous in medieval Spain.

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Podcasts Random Thoughts

Soaking It Up – Podcasts

I was lucky enough Thursday evening to meet a small cohort of extraordinary people via the friend who originally put me onto the The China Study.

I spent the evening soaking it all up, like a pup loose in a seal colony, and finding some surprising points of similarity. One of those was an interest in podcasts.

Which reminded me that I’d been meaning to write something pointing to some favourite podcasts, and a couple that were mentioned, and new to me.

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Random Thoughts

Hell – smelly, not hot

Hell will be smelly , not hot as the Bible and Billy Graham tell us.

Billy Graham warns of fire and brimstone in ‘final’ book. Be wary instead of the smelly hell
Billy Graham warns of fire and brimstone in ‘final’ book . Be wary instead of the smelly hell

I surmised this today,  as I laboured to rid my whare and surrounds of bad odours.